I have realized at 42 that there are some things you just can not change.  A major one is that I am a big girl.  Working on that acceptance thing, it is still hard to say fat and not feel degraded.  But I can live with being called a “big girl.”  Hey, always have been, always will be.  Maybe the correct thing  to say  would be “bigger than other girls”.  I can remember being in high school and wearing a size 14.  I can remember that being on the outer edge of being able to find clothes in a “normal store”.  I can remember when stores like Catherine’s and Lane Bryant sprang into existence, given me opportunities other than “fat clothes designed for old white women.”  Perhaps because of that difficulty, finding clothes that were in my size, I have never been much of a clothes horse.  I like to think that even if I were a size 10, I would be the same me with the same attitude about clothes.  I do know that somewhere in the last 8 years I have given up on wearing uncomfortable clothes and shoes and started dressing in comfort.  Some people think this is when you let yourself go, but for me it has meant not wearing things that were too tight, or too short, or to small and not buying it because it was “all they had.”  I have started saying things to myself like “I deserve better” and learned phrases like “shopping with my money to send message to big companies.”  Last year I even called a company and complained because they did not have a plus size clothing section, when that day, every woman in the store working could not shop in that store because they were all plus size.  I asked the customer service rep if they thought that was a good example to be setting?  I have become bold and brazen.  I look at fashion mags (plus size only please) and watch shows like “What not to wear” and “How to look good naked”, but I basically go into stores and say “I like this, or I like that.” then buy it in a size that fits. I don’t want to be cutting edge, but I deserve not to look like a dowdy middle aged fat woman.

Even through all my self awareness, I must admit, there was one fashion item I never thought I would have.  A pair of black leather lace up knee length boots.  To me, those are the epitome of a well dressed sexy woman.  Just sit and watch TV, when the villain comes on screen, she is in impossible high heels, or black leather lace up boots.  When the woman wants to dress up for whatever reason, impossibly high heels or black lace up boots.  When ever you see winter fashions, those boots always pay big part.  I have always coveted them.  If you are not plus size, you have no idea that plus size things cost more.  I mean lets be honest, it take more leather or fabric or yarn to make the clothes, so it just costs more.  I don’t like to spend alot of money on clothes or shoes either.  I just think sometimes the price is way crazy for stuff.  So I usually get shoes about halfway through the season, when the prices are lower, but the picking is slimmer also.  So as usual I was hunting for some cheap, comfortable boots and ordered a pair online.  When they came, they were cute and comfortable, but they would not fit around my calf, even with the elastic insert.  Barrie looked at me and said, measure your calf, and then shop for some boots to fit.  How awesome is a man who says buy what you need, no matter the cost?  So I started looking.  and I found these.  These boots are the boots I have always wanted to have.  They are my black leather lace up knee length boots.  And if you ordered in double wide they would fit my calves at 19 inches.  But I was torn when I saw the price.  $150 is alot of money when Barrie is out of work.  But when I showed him he was like buy them. Barrie is such a wonderful man, husband and friend.  He never tells me no, and he always finds a way to make whatever I want work. I am so lucky to have him as my partner.  It is nice to have a partner that values and loves me for me, with all my faults and flaws.   There are things I have never told anyone,( like how I wanted to go to the Chicago Doctor Who Convention)  and how much I have always wanted a pair of boots like that is one of those things.  I was not going to buy them if he said he thought they were too much (hell, I thought they were too much) but I would have always morned the opportunity.  So I ordered the boots.  When they got here I tried them on, and they fit and zipped over my calves with no problems.  I wore then to work yesterday they were so comfortable, it should have been illegal.  I spent all day preening and feeling all sexy and chic.  I must have had 3 or4 women ask me about them (who am I kidding?  I know exactly how many it was 4 and I glowed every time) and I told them exactly where I got them.  I wanted to pay forward that wonderful feeling of self worth and self esteem that those boots gave me.  Charlotte is having an unexpected warm spell right now and tomorrow it is going to be 70 degrees.  Not exactly boot weather but as soon as it turns cold again; well you know the rest…..

These boots are made for walkin’

Thursday, December 18th, 2008 @ 6:50 pm General
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